Lentils

Kate asked me to post about lentils. Coincidentally, I recently shared my favorite lentil soup recipe with a friend, and she wondered, "Why are lentils always a punchline to jokes about vegetarian food?"

I think lentils have a bad reputation for several reasons. One is the association with vegetarians -- lentils share this burden with tofu and eggplant. Second, lentils are associated with goldanged furriners; closely related is an association with poverty. Just like you can't read an early twentieth century novel's description of a tenement without the obligatory smell of stale cabbage, you can't read anything about cutting your grocery bill without a mention of beans/lentils and rice. And thirdly (I think -- I've lost track,) most lentils do not plate prettily. I have read that puy lentils and beluga lentils keep their shape through cooking, but since I live about two hours from any place that supplies such a thing, I don't know. I rely on commonplace brown lentils and the enormous bags of red lentils my beloved Cabana Boy brings me from The Big City; and both those varieties cook up -- well -- they have lovely personalities. Also, they are fucking delicious.

Besides the deliciousness and the cheap-as-fuck-ness, lentils have two other lovely qualities. One is that they cook up in thirty minutes or less, no soaking or bullshit (although you might want to eyeball the little fuckers for rocks or whatever -- I have found a few pebbles mixed in.) The other is that lentils lack the chemical flirbberigibiticide that makes you fart. What else do you want, a fucking letter of introduction?

One of my fave soups utilizes brown lentils. This has a certain Mediterranean flair, except for the sweet potatoes. If the sweet potatoes offend your sense of culinary authenticity, I suggest you leave them out  fuck right off to another blog.

Somewhat Mediterranean Lentil Soup

The next recipe is totally different, has an Asian flavor profile, and is vegan -- wait, come back. If "vegan" makes you nervous, use chicken broth instead. However, I have served this soup to many a dedicated carnivore and the only person who didn't like it was my father, whose food issues are many and varied (Side note: until I was 14 or so, I had no idea that other families did not always serve pork and beans with their pizza, because we always did, because my dad is weird.)

Red Lentil Coconut World Domination Soup

Last of all, this is not a recipe, but an idea. My kid has a lot of sensory issues, and food texture is a big one. Beans are among the worst things for him because of the kind of pasty texture. However, I tried the following recipe from one of my absolute favorite food blogs, and it worked. And this is a great idea for a couple of reasons -- not only does it stretch out the meat, which is typically the most expensive ingredient, but it supplies some extra fiber, which can be very nice for anyone whose menu is limited. Plus, he totally fell for it, and got seconds. Sing song voice: kid tested, mama approved.